Shaky hands, tired legs, droopy eyes.

That's all I have to say. Winter term is going to be frickin tough.

*Note

That last post had nothing to do with being vegan because I havn't had a problem all day! I havn't eaten yet, but I just plan on having a sweet potato for dinner. I put the fact that I'm going vegan on facebook and one of my old sorority sisters contacted me and said she was a vegan now too! Turns out we read the same book! Funny eh?

Vegan Diaries Day One:

Well the day isn't even almost over but i think I can sum it up from here.

I had my philosophy class today and it sounds AWESOME! Keep in mind first days are for syllabus explaining and introductions. But my class is called Life and Death and it's all about issues involving killing like abortion, euthanasia(of humans), and ANIMAL RIGHTS! AND my prof. asked if anyone is a vegetarian and of course I raised my hand. Then he said "Everyone BUT you is going to have to tell me why you should NOT eat animals". And I know he's on my side because he started blurting out facts about how we don't need to eat them anymore and an animals life is just as valuable as ours.

Then I had swedish class and that was just fun because it's swedish.

Tomorrow I have Mineralogy, Grand Canyon Seminar, and Modern Fiction. 8:30-4:20. usch.

This morning I got an email saying..."Interested in TAing for GEOL101 lab this term? I’d be glad to have your help, and I think you’d be good at it"
YAY! I've got my job again-but it's with a different prof./the one I baby sit for. I was also asked to write a quote about the geology department for some admissions packets so prospective students could get a major's perspective. It's little things like that-that make me think my professors think highly of me. Maybe I'm just on a high horse.

Well I'm supa tired and my abdomen feels like a baby is rolling around in it(not literally-but I think you'll get the hint). SO I'm going to take a sweet nap and read some of my book on the grand canyon!!

Stay Tuned...

STARTING AT 12 TONIGHT I'M GOING VEGAN FOR A WEEK AND A HALF!
That's right-The Vegan Diaries will be back.

I'm actually excited...but I think I was last time...
Last time I underestimated how hard it would be, but I think this time will be better because I'm reading Sinny Botch and I'm going to write down on paper why something is bad. So every time I get a craving I'll read that paper right away.I can taste the success already. Then it will be thanksgiving and I'll be back on it again-hopefully increasing the length of time.

I want to start running to build up my long distance and increase the amount of times I'm doing the wolf workout.

I don't want classes to start. For some reason I keep telling myself this term is going to be fucking hard. Maybe my gut is right.

NOT Excited for School

For once in my college career I am not looking forward to going back to school, and I think you will sympathize with me for the following reasons...
1.) I will be pulled apart from my puppy again for 5 weeks
2.) I won't be able to sit around in my pajamas ALL day
3.) My classes are going to be so time-sucking that I won't get to go out that much
4.) No more Second Life because my laptop dosn't support it...and if it did the internet is too crap to allow me to move in it.
5.)Possible blog neglect because my attention span logarithmically declines.

I think 5 is enough.

Tomorrow I'm leaving around 10:30-11 am, so no sleeping in because I have not PACKED, looked for ANYTHING that I need to pack but hadn't gathered for packing, or balanced my checkbook. And I still need to take a shower. AND by the time I wake up it's 9:30 because my bed(although nice a large) has incompetent pillows on it that hinder my sleep.

Which reminds me- I have been having AWFUL nightmares almost EVERY night. I think it's because I've been eating before I've gone to bed. Last night my first nightmare was a repeat of me being chased by something through a house...i don't remember it well. Then I had another but I don't remember it and then another which I do remember. I was eating chicken legs. CHICKEN. And if you've forgotten I'm still a vegetarian. So I'm just chomping away at them and somebody says "Amanda, why are you eating chicken?I thought you were a vegetarian?"
And I just drop it down on my plate and say "I'm eating chicken?!" As if I was fucking blind. My dreams never cease to amaze me. There's this really creepy one I had but there's no way I want to describe all of it.

I've been enjoying all the chemically enriched foods in my house and I'm going to continue until tomorrow. Then it's vegan time! I should look back in my blog to see if I wrote about it last year. It was not a good experience, but I think I'll do fine this first week and a half.

Welll I should get going and do some of my chores before it gets too late. Write to you when I'm back at school!

Skinny Bitch

I'm not quite sure what kicked me in the butt today...but I finally bought the book Skinny Bitch. I've seen it on the front shelves of bookstores for god knows how long now. I've read about a third of it so far and I am determined to go vegan starting next monday and lasting till Thanksgiving. From there hopefully I'll extend to two weeks and gradually build up. I strongly suggest all of you read this book because it is...an eye-opener to say the least. I thought I knew a decent amount about our nations food industry-or at least a bare minimum. And the best part is that it's not a total heap of scientific findings proving all the "got milk" commercials wrong-but 2 women cursing at the reader for being so naive.

Well Tina had mentioned going into Chicago tonight to see Megan, which I was really excited about because I havn't seen Megan in forever let alone ever been to her apartment. But I had to run errands all day and I've got more tomorrow. Plus tomorrow is my mom's birthday. So no trip to Chicago for me. I texted Tina this morning about it and I still havn't gotten a reply. Now that I'm thinking about it if I went there I wouldn't even want to drink really-just have one of those fun movie nights that we used to have.

For my mom's birthday I ended up getting her a book about Bernese Mountain dogs and some dish cloths and REALLY pretty flowers. And of course I got her a cute little gift bag and matching tissue paper. How about a card? Well I did not get one. I hope she'll appreciate a homemade one...or just no card.

Today I took Carli for a walk around Peck Farm and it was slightly unsuccessfull. She likes to go in the grass and lay down and try to take off her harness because-well she hates it. Then she just sits their and refuses to get up. She's 48 Lbs. now so it's impossible for me to drag her up or carry her. So we got maybe a little less than a mile into it and had to turn around. Then at one part in the trail there's a mowed section so she found a stick and we both started RUNNING back to the barn/parking lot. It was a nice little work out and I didn't even get tired(from running).

I've also found (drum roll please) A HOTEL IN NEW YORK, NEW YORK! Turns out I was looking unter a specific part of our timeshare. So a possible trip during the first part of my spring break!? Break is Feb.20-March 8th...but I leave to go to the grand canyon on March 1st...and I don't know if we have to be anywhere before then. Hopefully I'll find all the details out next week because our seminars will be starting.

Well I'm going to go read more of my Skinny Bitch and watch Survivorman.

Buy Me a Backpack

Today was another day of pure laziness. I was so lazy that I didn't even make it to the computer until 6:30 pm! But I don't feel too bad because tomorrow I will be busy doing lots of things such as...

Getting ready to go on an adventure almost an hour from my home
Once ready me and my mu will hopefully stop at the cupcake place again because we have a Free cupcake coupon.
Go to Grandpa's house
GO TO REI!!! REI is a huge outdoor store where I will find all things camping related. And in time will develop half of my christmas list from.
And then we will come back home and hopefully I will eat a sweet potatoe for dinner because I just love them now. LOVE LOVE LOVE sötpotatis!

Oh funny thing- I tried switching the language on my Plurk to Swedish but they don't have it all translated yet...so I tried some nordic thing instead which is fairly close but still not fully swedish. AND I can't get it to switch back to English. So I am mildly confused at some of the options, but luckily I waited to get more familiar with it before switching the language.

I dyed my hair! It came out really weird. Well not really...just not what I expected...which isnot surprising in box hair dyes.
Normally when I redye my hair I dye it black so it's always way darker than what I had. Recently I've been going for a less severe look and it's more of a dark brown-chestnut with ugly regrowth of my normal dark, dirty blonde hair.
I dyed it Dark Auburn. No it's not dark red or something. Did I mention my skintone looks awful with red hair? Well I don't have red hair. It's not really darker than what I had...which I think is why I'm kind of weirded out by it . But its just got this fall color in it. Which is good I think because I would like people to look at me and say fall. I would like it even more if they said Thanksgiving because that's end of fall near winter. Then maybe after christmas I'll dye it black in time for pledging. I'd like to look more severe for that because...well I'll explain another time.

Hair cut went well...it dosn't look much different-just cleaned up. I took before and after photos but then I realized that I don't have a connector for my camera and I'm too lazy to wait till sunday to do it.

I have reached the Tribal stage in spore and it's confusing the hell out of me.

That is all.

Antiques

Sooo today I played some Spore and I think it's a pretty fun game. I like the whole evolution concept but I really wish they would elaborate more on it-like when your nest seperates they could evolve differently...AND for time to go FASTER. Obviously they do it for playing reasons because I wouldn't want to be stuck in that cell stage forever but the time it takes for each stage is literally an inverse of the actual time.

I decided to go on SL and do some more winter inventory cleaning. Today I did my notecards and that was quite fun actually. I found lots of poems by Willow and past conversations between us all, slootsville meeting minutes!, and lots of childlike notes that would be passed around in a middle school classroom(which were probably the most interesting).

I remember joining SL and fudging the age which didn't matter because my mom willingly handed over her credit card. SL has no idea how clueless parents from my mom's generation are with the internet. Anyway-luckily I joined because I was following a group from TSO over, so I didn't make friends with some creepy child molesters or what not. I actually had no idea that I was not allowed in the game until about 1 month in. I remember telling someone that I was 13 or 14 and they told me not to say that anymore or I'd be kicked out. Obviosuly I didn't make it too obvious because I managed to slip through all the underage scares.

But these notes I found were from one of the most crazy periods in SL. When Lala and Ark were together...WillowC and Zid...and WillowZ and Fred. And then there were the group of kids...Stuart, Josan, Bobb, and maybe more but I can't remember. I had notecards from fights within both groups. And the most entertaining were the fights or conversations of our kid group. Because at any age you(or at least I do) think that you are acting like an adult in any fight. But of course freshmen and sophmores in high school are quite far from it. If I had heard a group of people in SL talking like we had I would have wanted to punch a baby.

For the rest of today I'm going to go get my hair cut. I really want to dye it today too, but my hairstylist will probably put some of that balm or wax in it to volumize it. But maybe once I show it to my friend Tina I'll go home and wash it and dye it and wash it and dry it! I still need to think about how to describe what I want, because I don't know what I want done. I need a trim-especially my bangs-they're looking reall special now.

Well I need to go take a shower even though I've been avoiding it :/ I hate taking showers at home because there's a huge mirror in thebathroom and I hate seeing myself in it.

Trying New Things.

So today I'm going to try and sit nice, because my back and neck are beginning to fuse together from all the knots I have in it. I'm sitting straight up with my shoulders back and it feels great. Too bad I look like one of those secretarys in movies that you want to slap because they're posture is just too exceptional.

Note: I have already begun slouching again

I'm having such a hard time sleeping. My bed isn't comfy and I can't stop thinking about one of the people from the Strangers coming to get me. I'm always the last one up so I have to turn off all the lights.

Tomorrow I'm getting my hair cut and I can't wait. I guess I'll really just be getting it trimmed since I want to grow it out but my bangs look awful. Then I'll probably dye it on wednesday so it will be nice and dark again :)

Since saturday I've been having this feeling like I feel full but my head is still hungry? Do you ever get that? I hate it. I think it's just boredom hungry. The pros of being at school is that if you're hungry-you'll have to get up and go get food and then pay for it...which usually is just out of the question-especially for a little snack. But at home its all free and it's fresh! At school it's...definitely not fresh. Ugh I just feel so gross right now. I'm sure this it TMI but I hope it's just an indication my "friend" might be coming soon because I either missed it or it just keeps coming later and later. When I get back to school I'm going to start taking those pills again, just to get back on track.

My puppy had lost all of her baby fangs! She's like a gummy old grandma now.

I carved a pumpkin yesterday even though it's past halloween. The saw I was using from my Leatherman slipped and scrapped over my wrist. It looks like I'm a cutter now who..well...just had a fucked up knife. It hurts a lot though-I only caught the top layer of skin.

Anyways I'm going to go watch the movie Jack for a bit before I start really vegging out andplaying video games.

Nineteen.

I awoke today at 10:30 to my gynormous "puppy" leaping onto my bed and trying to peel my eyelids open with her tongue.

I was surprised I slept so much. The last week of school I got so much sleep, so I wasn't too happy that yet again I slept in so long. But what could I do. I got out of bed and went downstairs, wrapped myself in a blanket and lied on the couch. My mom eventually prodded at me, because we were going to go out and do some errands.

First stop was the apple orchard. Half way down the road my friend Caitlin calls(and she never calls me). So I answered and she told me that she broke up with her boyfriend DJ.
Sidenote: She ran off with this guy early in the summer to another state. She dosn't have a job, she hasn't finished college, she dosn't do anything. It seemed like they were just together to smoke pot and have sex. He's also five years older than her...which I shouldn't really hold against them.
Anyways so she's stuck 3 hours away and probably freaking out. I told her I'd call her back because I was busy at the moment. In a way I feel like I should have told my mom to turn around so I could go get her-but the thing is we're not even good friends anymore. The last time I saw her she blew pot-smoke in my face. And laughed. I still need to call her back.
At the apple orchard my mom bought me 2 jars of berry spread and a gallon of apple cider.

Then we went to downtown Geneva! I went to my swedish store and it was so much fun. Laura bought me these super warm gloves, a key chain, and a little childrens book about how to celebrate christmas like a swede. Then we went to the cupcake store called the Latest Crave. Laura bought me a carrot cupcake and it was probably the BEST cupcake I've ever had.

From there it gets a bit fuzzy since we just went to various department stores looking for little things. I found a haircolor to try out- Dark Auburn. It looks really pretty on the box. I hope it's not too red though. I don't have the right skin tone for red hair. I guess if it dosn't work out I'll just dye it darker brown again.

I got this juice at the grocery store called Naked. It's got 30 grams of protein in the whole bottle which I think is pretty darn impressive. Only bad thing is that it tastes like protein powder with a little bit of pineapple juice. So it's like I can still feel the powderyness to it...but theres not much you can do about that. I bet it's just oversaturated with protein in it so it can't dissolve anymore. Holy shit...I just applied chemistry to real life. UGHHHH

Tomorrow is sunday...more doing nothing. We had a fire tonight. I think I want to start my LOTR watching tomorrow. Maybe pair it up with some hot chocolate and a blankie. Or maybe I should wait till monday when I've got the house to myself. Then I could turn the sound up really loud.

I decided that my drink is liquid chalk...liquid PINEAPPLE chalk.

First Days Were Never So Relaxing

After a tough time of falling asleep last night due to flashbacks of the movie "The Strangers". I finally quieted my thoughts around 1:30 am and decided it was time to sleep.

I woke up at 8 am to my phone alarm, which I immediatly changed to go off at 9 am. I awoke an hour AND 45 minutes later at 9:45. My eyes adjusted to the high ceiling and wide space. It's funny how I've lived in a dorm room with another person that is about half the size of my room. After a quick washing of my hair I went downstairs to find the house empty. My mom had taken the dog out for a walk. Time seemed to fly by from there. I spent the morning watching BBC America and all my favorite shows. I miss that station so much.

Around 1 or 2 pm I went on SL and saw Willow for a split second, but she was replaced a moment later by Laura who I havn't talked to in ages it seems. We had a nice catch up chat with some drunken moment comparisons. It's weird going back to SL after such a long time. It feels like I never left...but when you talk to people you don't know what to say. It's like the natural conversations that you used to have are lost somewhere and you don't remember how to even talk to people over the internet. Sadly niether of us were able to stay on long. I had to run off to go shop for a bit with my mom.

Shopping in Geneva always dissapoints me. We have so many nice stores but it seems like they never carry anything I like. All the stuff I DO like is ONLINE. We went to Victoria's Secret there, and it was probably the most successful part of the trip. I got 5 pairs of undies and I'm sorry if you don't care about that but I just love buying underwear from Victoria's Secret. All of them are cute and wintery themed and it just makes me smile thinking about it. Anyways-enough underwear obsession. Next was DSW-this HUGE discount shoe store. Normally I can always find at least ONE pair of shoes that I love. AND today I had two missions in that store: an everyday walking shoe and an ill weather boot(ie) thing. Of course I found niether. Last on the list was Fresh Market, which is this horribly overpriced organic food store that I just love because I love that organic fancy stuff. Laura wanted nothing to do with it and limited all of my purchases to 2 avocados, 1 apple, 1 squash, a tray of Anari, some crisp bread, and a advent calendar that I thought was swedish but is actully German. Oh well, at least the chocolate will be good. I should have figured-I mean you never hear "I LOVE SWEDISH CHOCOLATE!"

Speaking of Swedish, there's a store in downtown Geneva that has a bunch of swede merchandice and I can't wait to go and speak swedish to the old guy in it and buy swedish stuff for my dorm room. I'm so happy I found a language that I love studying. Even if there are like no swedish people in the USA, I've got my college and hometown that has some swedish aspects to it.

I finished off the night by buying Sex and the City on payperview. It's such a great movie. I never thought I would like it.

Tomorrow my mom and I are going to an apple orchard by our house to get apple cider. I'll also insist on a caramel apple and a couple donuts to treat myself with.

Things I need to do:
Go try Thai food with my friend Tina
Go to H&M and see i they have any new cute clothes.
Go to Svensk store
Go to apple orchard
Get my hair cut
Dye my hair
Decide what color I want to dye it
Go to the camping store
Visit my high school earth science teacher
And the dreaded: By a scale for school.

It's a small list for a long week but...I'm ok with that.

Sweet Home Illinois.

I'M FINALLY HOME!!!

Going home is such a bitter sweet thing for me.
1.) No more temptations of going out. After this term of partying I just feel like a break is well needed.
2.) I get to get new things...clothes in the form of jammies, sweatpants, and undies.
3.) I get to shop for christmas ideas.
4.) I have to see Dave again.
5.) I have to talk to Dave again.
6.) I am reminded of how insignificant I feel now in my hometown
7.) I encounter a scale.

I went on SL tonight when I got back from dinner and remembered that I used to keep lots of notes and old pictures kind of like an SL diary. Well I found this...

did you forget how it felt?did you forget what i ket telling you? did you forget the tears you've cried over this before?DID YOU FUCKING FORGET YOU HAD ANY GOAL AT ALL?OBVIOUSLY YOU DID YOU FUCKING FAT ASS!I HOPE YOUR FUCKING HAPPY, I HOPE YOUR PLEASED WITH YOURSELF YOU LIAR. YOU SAID YOU'D NEVER DO IT AGAIN, YOU FUCKING LIAR! WHT GOOD ARE YOU?YOU FAKE. FUCKING FATASS FAKER! YOU THINK YOU CAN GO ON 300 CALORIES A DAY AND THEN PIG OUT WHEN YOU HAVE A GOOD EXCUSE?NO, NO NO NO NO NO!FUCKING SLAM YOUR HEAD INTO A WALL. EAT YOUR FUCKING PIG SELF TO DEATH YOU DAMN RETARD. JUST GO AND EAT, YOU OBVIOUSLY CANT CONTAIN YOURSELF ANYMORE.NO FUCKING CONTROL, NO FUCKING CONTROL AT ALL. YOU LIKED IT! YOU LIKED FEELING EMPTY AND HUNGRY AND SICK. YOU LIKED GETTING LIGHT HEADED AND SHORT OF BREATH. BUT NO, YOU ATE BECAUSE IT WAS THANKSGIVING AND YOU HAD NO WAY TO GET OUT OF IT. BUT THAT WASN'T IT. SINCE YOU SCREWED UP ONCE YOU JUST HAD TO FUCKING GO SCREW UP AGAIN AND EAT LIKE A FUCKING PIG. WHAT THE FUCKING HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU. IF I COULD I'D MAKE YOUFAST FOR WEEKS BUT LUCKY FO R YOU, YOU HAVE DANCE. ANOTHER FUCKING EXCUSE FOR YOU TO DOWN AN APPLE, SOMETHING THAT CONTAINS COUNTLESS AMOUNTS O CALORIES SO YOU WONT PASS OUT AND GET TIRED. YOU DESERVE TO PASS OUT. YOU DESERVE TO BE TIRED. YOU DESERVE TO FUCKING DIE. YOUR NOWHERE WHERE YOU NEED TO BE. I KNOW YOUR NOT SATISFIED WITH 110. THATS FUCKING PATHETIC. YOU'VE HAD HOW LONG TO GET DOWN TO 100 AND YOU DIDN'T! YOU FUCKING FAKE! YOU HAVE NO CONTROL AT ALL! DONT YOU DARE CRY THIS TIME YOUR HAVE NO REASON YOU STUBBORN IDIOT! GO FUCKING EAT SOME MORE AND FEEL "FULL" GO BINGE AGAIN UNTIL YOU LOOK FUCKING PREGNANT AND DONT COME WHINING BACK BECAUSE YOU DID IT. YOU FUCKED IT UP. FUCKING FUCKED IT ALL UP! JUST STOP EATING JUST STOP! STOP SCREWING UP MY FUCKING PLAN. YOU HAVE NO CONTROL. YOU'LL NEVER BE HAPPY. GO FIND THOSE FUCKING LAXATIVES TO GET ALL THE CRAP OUT THAT YOU ATE. WHO CARES WHAT ANNIE SAYS. WHO CARES IF YOUR GONNA GET ADDICTED.WHO CARES IF YOU COULND DIE! MAYBE YOU'LL FINALLY GET TO 100. MAYBE YOU CAN GET TO 90. GOD, GO DRINK A BOTTLE OF ICEPAC. YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF LARD. YOU FUCKING FAT PIG.

That's from '05, when I was about to reach my lowest. Sometimes I begin to think that these little notes prove the exsistence of more than one person in a human's head. It's like switching a light on and off. Now when I write things like this it's like someone else takes over. Someone else grabs my mind and these thoughts come rushing in-then that pesron uses my hands to write them all down so I cant let them go away. And while this goes on I...ME...sits back and watches helplessly. Like I'm really being yelled at by someone. I kick myself a lot for not listening to my friend Annie who told me right away that I needed to get help. Because she knew it only gets worse. Not that I knew it would but I don't think I realized how much.

I need new pajamas. Nice soft ones. I need one pair of skinny jeans. Some sweatpants. Hair dye....still need to figure out what color. I don't know if I want to go black...I just feel like I look mexican when I have black hair.

Wednesday Clean-up

Today is my last full day here at school till next term. I'm going to...
Stay in my PJ's all day
Clean my room
Take out the trash finally
Put everything that needs to go home and stay home all together
Get my final art project from the art building
STUDY MY ASS OFF TO ACE MY GEOLOGY FINAL!

Sooo facebook is covered in Probama Nobama status updates and I'm really getting sick of all the republicans saying our world is going to shit. But my friend Annie who goes to college about 45 minutes away from me wrote an article for her school paper. She's a creative writing major...

Obama win sparks Knox march, history
by Annie Zak

On the evening of November 4th, 2008, 75% of Knox College students were rioting in the streets of Galesburg. It all began when, earlier, around 10:30p.m., on the Knox College campus, a small crowd of students sat in the lobby of Post Residence Hall and watched the television as Barack Obama won Ohio and came closer to winning the election for president.
“Let’s take this to the streets!” Knox Junior Joey Firman said to sophomores Sam Conrad, Noel Sherrard, and myself. After exiting the lobby of Post after Obama’s first and historical speech, the four students headed north on West Street on the college campus and motioned to the rest of the crowd from Post to follow. There was soon a mass of fifty to sixty students marching on West Street, yelling to the buildings they passed “Come outside, get into the streets! O-BA-MA!” As the crowd marched, it turned through the courtyard of campus apartments, near Jazz House and Steak House as well as Tompkins, growing in size as it then headed north on Academy Street. Though the group was confronted by a police officer at one point early in the march, students simply screamed louder and kept marching after he said to “just try to keep it down, guys, and we can’t have you in the streets.” Continuously, the students shouted “Yes we can!” through the streets of Galesburg. The group at the front of the march then decided to steer everyone back toward the quads of Knox College to get more if not all students involved.
Once arriving at the quads, the marchers screamed at people to join them, stood on tables and waved American flags, dancing down the sidewalks. In the next ten minutes, nearly the entire population of the quad residents were on the lawn between there residence halls, cheering so loud it was hard to understand where we were going next.
A group of ten to twenty students slowly began to trickle out of the mass of quad students and toward the south lawn of Old Main, waving their arms until they ached for others to follow and move closer to Main Street. Once on the steps of Old Main, where history has taken place before, history was made once again as hundreds of hundreds of Knox students self-organized in joy of the win of America’s first African-American president. “I feel like I’m going to get smashed against the front door!” said one student as she watched the mass of people run toward Old Main’s steps, as many of them trying to make it onto the steps as possible and defy the capacity of the lawn.
After being on the steps of Old Main for ten minutes, Sam Conrad and I conferred with juniors Rita Lanham, Ariel Krietzman, and Michelle Geyer to once again move the group toward Main Street. With no hesitation for the possibility of cops, we formed a train of linked hands to guide us out of the mass of screaming students and toward Cherry Street. The mob soon followed, now surely the majority of Knox’s student population with even some adults and professors spotted within it. Heading north on Cherry Street, the students were wary but unflinching at the sound of the sirens from two cop cars, but this time, neither police officer got out of his vehicle. The crowd continued to march.
Turning left on Main Street and finally climaxing at the Public Square roundabout, the group stood up on the empty fountain and cheered still more, yelling “Whose change? OUR change! Whose victory? OUR victory!” People continuously screamed until hoarse, “This is the power of the people!” and “Happy history, everyone!” became a common phrase throughout the night.
Earlier in the night, many students were expressing their fears and doubts about the elections. Sophomore Sam Conrad said, “I was optimistic, and then today came and I kept thinking, ‘how could [Obama] win?’ But it’s happening. It’s so crazy. We’re living history.”
After the march, students slowly dispersed from the Public Square and headed back to campus, where Knox’s funk band was playing an impromptu and highly-attended concert outside of Knox’s Center for Fine Arts. Drawing almost as large a crowd as the march itself, students danced and protested that classes should be cancelled for Wednesday, in lieu of history being witnessed Tuesday night.

I think it's so cool to see her writing things like this.

2 Post Too Many...

I couldn't help but briefly reflect on what I have just witnessed on TV.

Whether you're democratic or not...Obama just won...

And today will go in a history book. I have just seen one of those moments in history.

Maybe if the republicans are right I'll see a great depression too.

Can I just point out how much it would SUCK for me...as a college student...at a private college...if that happens?!

Odd Number

I VOTED TODAY.

I am officially a good citizen.

Drinking My Life Away

So my absence of finals this last week of school is driving me to alcoholism.
Since I had nothing else to do last night I decided to go drink with a few of my friends. It was just the four of us trying to finish the last bit of vodka from a handle of Skol (gag) and they of course also engaged in other activities requiring lungs and dried plants.

I was having quite a bit of fun until my friends got tired. Of course I wasn't and insisted that one of them stay up just a little longer. He managed to get me out of his room by reminding me that it's almost 3 am. Which according to The Exorcism of Emily Rose, is the witching hour. Prime demon possessing time. A lot of people think that's stupid but I like to agree that it is and avoid it anyways just in case. So I went back to my room and got my laptop and took it to our lounge. Where I proceeded to type that last post up.

I was going to take it down, because I always feel "diary" entries like that to be really annoying. When I was little I would always try keeping a diary and found it silly so I would rip out all the pages and throw them away. Even looking back on my blogger makes me think "God, I'm so whinny" "All I do is complain".

But I decided to keep that one up. Because I do feel like that sometimes. It's hard to explain-and I think my drunken self explained it the best. I am quite impressed at my spelling. With the exception of "breath".

What am I up to today? I'm going to go vote at 11 am!!! Obama of course. And then at 2 pm I have a review session for my final on thursday. My only final. Then we'll probably come back to the dorm or something. I really want to watch LOTR and fall asleep at various parts.

SEE that's why I can't wait to go home. I AM DOING NOTHING HERE! I study for my final like 3-4 hours but I know it really well already and I just can't study ALL day!

Well I must go vote now. OBAMA FO YO MAMA!

125.

I am in the lounge of my dormitory right now.
Spell check has never been so useful.
I have just had a conversation with the evil person inside me.
I've never told you about her before...I don't like her.
She scares me.
She's not like me.
She yells at me when I look into the mirror.
Her eyes look past my cheerful gaze.
She makes me feel like I am nothing.
That I have not done anything.
That I am worthless.
That I do not deserve the things that I have.
The friends that I have.
The college that I have.
The image that I see.
Some days I feel like I'm thinner.
Until her eyes take over
And suddenly I see what is really there.
The same body that I started out with.
Nothing that I have done has changed it.
If anything I have made it worse.
I am a fat amorphous blob.
And she tells me that over and over.
The fuzzy feeling coursing through my veins brings her reach into my hands.
She talks through me.
She wanted to write this blog.
She wanted me to remember what it's like when she's here.
Someone else.
Someone that can't stand what i've become.
Someone that looks back on the pictures and cries about what I have let behind.
It is 2:45 and I want to go to bed.
Before the Witching hour.
You don't think it's real but I think it is.
Too many scray movies.
I am so fuzzy and tired.
But that is why I don't want to go to bed.
I don't want to.
I wish i could say the same for eating.
Why must I be so weak.
Why must I be so stupid.
Why must I be subjected to this.
Why can't I see myself the way others see me.
Why can't I say "I look pretty today"
Why can't I invest my time into a relationship instead of one with this person inside of me.
Because you are not worth it.
You.
Don't.
Deserve.
Anything.

You don't deserve to feel, to breath, to think, to wonder, to hope...never.













Let me go.

And Every Time I try...

I have an awful habit of beginning to write a post...getting sidetracked during it...and eventually just abandoning it all together. I can't decide if I'm too lazy or if my life just isn't that exiting to be updating people. I believe the last failed attempts consisted of me explaining my homecoming week, missing home, missing my friends, missing having someone that I can always go to.

My sophmore year of college has really opened my eyes to the friends I have and the friends I have made. I realized that 1/2 of the friends I have back home don't care about how I'm feeling, what choices I make or where I'm headed in life. And for awhile that made me sad because I called them my bestfriends. It took me 2 years to figure that out. It happened when my friend blew her pot smoke into my face. A joke to her-but a slap in the face to me.

I've got my friends at school here now. And I'm beginning to feel like one of those people that have so many friends but not really a best friend. I used to think that Adam was my best friend here at school, but this year it feels like I'm just the back-up plan if one of his plans fall through.

And now to top it off Halloween is over. If I would have continued my posting I probably would have thrown in there that the end of october marks the end of me just coasting through this "losing weight" process. It's not enough to just eat dinner everyday. I can't go to La Rancherita every sunday. THose ephedra pills are going to comeout of the drawer again. I think I'll buy a scale when I go home. I'm at least 100 food points over, 20 more than last year. So in a way I know I'm eating less than last year. It feels good to beat that number. Maybe next term I'll have even more.

I'm going home on THURSDAY!!!! I'm so excited. I'll get to see my puppy who has more than tripled in her size. I'll get to see my kitten and ferret. I'll get my hair cut and dyed darker. What else...maybe go on SL. Maybe go to my old high school and see my old earth science teacher. Tell him how much I love my school. I'll need to get new winter shoes. Some more winter shirts would be nice. Maybe another pair of jeans. I really want a nice pair of skinny jeans.

This next week is finals week. I only have 1 final! And it's on thursday, which kind of stinks because I'll be here so long. But it's also nice because I know I can just focus really well on it and do AWESOME.

I am once again being sidetracked so i think i'll publish this before i completely delete it...