Forever a Severe Thunderstorm

I have nothing interesting to report. We did have a severe thunderstorm warning and were close to a tornado warning. I wish a tornado would come.

I did find a new song. It's called How Can it Be by Forever Thursday. I really like it. Kind of reminds me of 1234-feist.

I need to find some cute winter shoes-that are flats. Help me.

My nails are painted an obnoxious pink color. I want it off-it's jsut not fall enough.

whateva

Rantrantrantrantrant.

I'm incredibly sad/bummed/angry right now, so just bear with me here-

This day was going fairly well up until 7 o'clock when my roomate decided she wanted to move the whole room around. She threw all of her crap all around the room, just anywhere other than her side really. It's 10:00 pm right now and there is still stuff all over the floor. Oh, but she said she would pick it up right after she had something to eat, yeah right. She ate her soft pretzel and drank her pop an hour ago, still nothing. I'll do it after my homework is done. She hasn't even started her homework.Instead shes been looking for her belt buckle and contact case. She complains about people judging her and badmouthing others when she does it all the time. She always finds something to complain about. She wont shut up about how all she can eat is cereal because she'll thow up real food.Uhm, maybe if she wasn't eating cereal 24/7 and then tried to stuff herface with pasta it wouldn't have been a problem. GUH. Techno is now our official music. The big briht light in our room is left on whilst I try and fall asleep. She's incredibly rude to all males. She "drank" all of the water I brought-but I just saw about 5 bottles still slightly filled roll out of her trash can. And why do I let this happen?!Because I'm too nice to say anything, and I'd rather grit my teeth and expell it all in a stupid online journal than mention anything to her.

What else? Well I planned on not eating anything today. Got back from the library-had some popcorn. Got back from yoga-had a banana. Endured room excavation-some oreos. Ushered roomate to cafeteria-chips. Finally realize how upset I was- mac&cheese. I feel like such an effing cow. Granted I've done a lot worse, but uugghhhh. Tomorrow I wont have anythig except a cookie. Maybe an apple too.

For some reason I was convincing myself that my face looked more sunken or tight, but that will be gone tomorrow. My face will be puffy. My whole body will probably be puffy. Does this sound weird-I almost want someone to notice me getting thin, but I'm not really getting thinner I dont think, BUT I hate it when people mention how I'm not eating things or how I'm thin. I dont want anyone to know about my problem, but it's like sometimes I want certain people to know.

Alright, I'm sure your sick of this. You've probably moved on by now thinking, she's just a stupid teen-she'll get over it- she just wants attention.

"bed time", better get ready so I can lay for an hour trying to sleep. My own rant is annoying me.

Little Red Racist Squirrel

Don't worry, I don't go out pretending I'm little red riding hood.

Avogadro, Boyle, Rutherford...why didn't anyone murder them before they published anything chemistry related. It's such a ridiculous science. Of course it's the basis for all others. I absolutely hate it. It took every ounce of strength or perhaps just sheer laziness not to roll out of my desk and drown myself in the ammonia bottle at the front of the room. Or perhaps swallow the mixture my proffessor was experiementing with and hope that it would quickly eat my innards before my teacher could explain how the concoction was reacting within my body. And then we had our quiz which went fairly well.

My friend Adam and I went to the library and got some coffee at The Brew. I then went off on my own to attempt researching. The geology books are located on the top floor of the library(fifth floor). I took the elevator to avoid climbing 5 flightsof stairs. The doors opened to reveal a nearly deserted floor. I shuffled along the stacks, 'QE...QE... where is it...QE...aha!"

A whole stack of geology books! I suddenly gotthe feeling I would be spending a lot of time here for research or just for fun. I grabbed a book and sat down. It was so quiet, I felt like I had the whole floor to myself-and then some kids came and my moment was crushed.

I packed up my things and grabbed my half-full cup of sugary fantasmicness and headed to the cafeteria to meet this guy Alex. On my way I noticed two squirrels chasing each other. A grey squirrel was chsing a black one. The grey ones are always chasing the black ones. So I've decided the grey squirrels are racist. However, I bet a black squirrel could so take on a grey squirrel.

I reached the cafeteria and looked to find Alex. I'm not sure if he likes me or what. I don't think I like him in that way. See I guess he liked me at first, and then I didn't dance with him on this boat trip so he started liking my roomate instead. Of course my roomate made his life miserable. So now I'm thinking he likes me again, and I just don't like that whole process. Is it just me?

A nap sounds amazin, but something is telling me not to take one. I have no homework-oh wait I do-crap. I just have to read. I have yoga today with the crackly troll. I need to take a shower before GREY'S ANATOMY!What else is on...THE OFFICE! Amazing. How sad is it that T.V shows are the highlight of my days? I don't caaaaaare.

Reluctant Leaves

2:00 am
I've been drugged.

No, I really hadn't, but for some reason I was convincing myself in my dream that I had been. After I realized-no I have not been drugged- I tuned into the soft muffles I could hear through my ear plugs. My roomate, whimpering on (I'm guessing) her phone. I don't know who she was talking to, I really didhn't care to find out. The newly arrived cool air blew over my bed causing me to become very uncomfortable. I pulled my blanket over me and tried to go back to sleep whilst the muffles still persisted. Two hours I layed in my bed trying to get comfortable. I thought I would never get back to sleep.

8:30
My eyes opened to look at the time. Fifteen minutes before I had to be up, might as well just get up now. I struggled to get down my lofted bed and swayed over to my laptop. I turned on the T.V quickly muting it and switching to the Weather Channel. I smiled as I read today's temperatures and turned back to my lap top. I continued with my normal routine of checking facebook, livejournal and both of my e-mails. I felt slightly sick- on the verge of throwing up. My stomach just felt like it wanted to growl so badly but all it could do was squeeze itself until it caused pain.

9:15
I finished putting on makeup and headed for the cafeteria. Coffee sounded like my best option, since my eyes still felt heavy and my body unwilling to move. My cup of deliciousness kept me company as I walked to my first class(second actually, but first was cancelled for an unkown reason). We went to the library and listened to the librarian give a speech about using the library resources, which was actually quite helpful.

11:15
We left the library and I ran a few errands. I decided to take the long way back to the dorms, because I couldn't handle going up 100 stairs(literally). So I took the Slough path. I donned my ipod and flicked to a quiet song- Keep Holding On by Avril. Not exactly quiet. For some reason I thought back to my summer trip to the badlands. I don't understand why I miss it so much. The song finished and Comptine de L'ete came on. My mind went clear and I focused on leaves. They're still green, not even a patch of orange,yellow,brown or red anywhere. I'll let them have one more week.

12:00 pm
Back in my dorm room I start on homework. I research Kimberlites for a possible project. I open a cup of macaroni and cheese. Some raisins, a coffee bar, and a few oreos. Tomorrow I wont eat again. I'll get coffee from The Brew for a treat after chemistry. Then I'll go to the library for two hours or so and research some for my geology project. Around 12 pm I'll go back and read for my english class. Then at 4:15 I'll run off to yoga for and hour and fifteen minutes.

6:03 pm
I'm so tired, but I'm not allowing a nap in fear I wont fall asleep again. Pulled out more hair-fantastic. I think it's from my roomate. She borrowed my nail polish and now my headphones even though she has some of her own but hers are "too big" blah. I guess she cant eat anything other than cereal or candy or else she'll throw up. She's guessing that she's loosing a pound a day. GUH, I'm going to go color.

Drama with some Hot Chocolate

Four weeks and I've still survived college. My roomate is beginning to -erk me a bit. She's constantly dealing with boy drama all brought on by herself. And then shes being haunted by her night of drinking that landed her in the hospital for the night. If I wasn't such a not-forward person, I would so chew her ear off on how she needs to just forget about it all because its not going to change! UGH!

And she wont stop eating cereal-complaining she's too thin-then complaining a moment later about how shes getting fat.

She also uses my shaving gel and face wash. I gave her permission to use both, but I highly doubt she will reinburse me when she gets the chance. It dosn't help that I have to order the face wash to even get near it.

Enough about my roomate. I shall tell you of the past two days.

Monday was my recovery day, since Sunday was hang-over day. I slept 12 hours Sunday night and woke up the nextmorning not feeling fullfilled by my amazing sleep acheivement. Went to writing class then to geology myths and legends to be nearly stabbed by bits of plastic hurtling towards our class by my teacher's experiment. I love that class.
Then I made sugar skulls at Art Club. Well I didn't really make skulls, instead I made a sugar rabbit and pumpkin. I first attempted a squirrel, a white squirrel, to contrast the black ones we have here. He just didn't turn out. So I made Rudolpho the Rabbit and Pumpkin the Pumpkin. I know- so original.

I got the fuzzies again during chem today. I think I was trying to figure out my dream last night and then they came. Perhaps that's what brings them- good dreams? Don't ask what my dream was. I just know I wa in my dorm room talking to friends for less than a minute and then I think I was in a house or the geoscience building. I also attempted a nap, but my brain waves weren't cooperating i guess because i never achieved one. I think I effed up my chem lab again after thinking I was doing so well. We had to heat this mixture until the water(which was not in liquid form) evaporated. I waited until the mixture turned from blue to white and took it off the burner. I guess I was s'posed to wait lik 20 minutes. I probably burned it for 10 or 15. Oh well.

Today I have successfully not had anything to eat. I want to see if that brings the fuzzies. Maybe I could pull of fasting for a few days. I did it once but found myself ridiculously cranky the third day, so I might do my friends a favor and only fast for two...but I heard the third day is most important. Whatever, I may not do it at all.
My hairpulling is becoming absolutely ridiculous. I'm in desperate need of a new hair cut. That helped LOADS the last time. I don't even feel stressed out! I could go to the schools psych. but Ireally don't feel like it. Especially when I don't know what even may be causing it.

I love hot chocolate. The hot chocolate here is probably the best I've had. Even the german hot chocolate I had at the KrisKrindle Market in Chicago dosn't compare. Then I have hot chocolate packets in our room that I will sometimes have at night. They taste so watery now :/

This is quite a long post...I think I'll stop now.

hop-skip-whatever

So I went to my friends' college that's about an hour away from mine.

We went to a frat party.

We played this game called "flippy cup"

We drank a mixture of beer,vodka, and squirt
they called it hop-skip and something but I forgot

I drank so much-better explore my limits a bit more.

Anyways, we went back to the dorms and I started throwing up

For an hour

And then I woke up the next morning

With a massive headache

unable to think about anything to do with the previous night or else I would hae to puke somemore

but don't worry, I threw up again before we left for lunch

We went to this creperie. I got a cup of smoked cheddar mashed potatoes
they were so good. I wish I could have enjoyed them without a massive hangover

Now I feel like I have a second stomach filled with all the alcohol I had last night. And it just keeps flopping around in there and hurts. I just want it to go away.

I dont think I'll be drinking for awhile...what do you think?

Prickles up my spine

Tonight I got a massage-back massage- by this kid named Alex. It was amazing. He says I have a lot of tension in my shoulders. I agreed.

I took a nap today for the first time in I dont know how long. Naps are nice because I always have dreams and usually remember them. TGoo bad the dream today was a waste. I just kept dreaming about the schools "dance squad" and how I didn't understand anything they were telling me. The whole time I was just thinking 'but I dont want to dance!'. T'was weird. I fell asleep probably around 4 woke up at 5:30 feeling more tired than before. I know.. I know, naps are only s'posed to last for like 20 minutes. But the nap seduced me!I just wanted to stay all comfy on my bed of pillows that I layed on the floor with my blanket.

I've been fining hair clumps around my desk. At first I thought they were taylors and my hair just accumulating, but I've been finding a lot of them, and never over by her desk. She rarely comes over by my desk. So lets say they're all from me. i've been pulling my hair, but I always thrown it out. So I dont know how all these extras are getting there?!And we have no vaccum which makes all the hair clumps even more disqusting.

Tomorrow I start yoga! I'm so excited. I can't wait to stretch.

just so you know.

Every key is the delete button

I had a huge blog typed out and accidently deleted it. I'm not redoing it.

Back to School

It's weird. I'm glad I'm back. I can't wait to wake up tomorrow morning, put on my new clothes(I went shopping whilst at home), push play on my ipod and walk to class. I love walking to class. The campus is so pretty and my music makes me want to smile.

I'm doing homework now, since I refused to do it when I was home. So I should get back to that..

Hide and Seek

After eating a ton today the fuzzies have been coming and going. They're so mean. Why can't they just stay?But I'd rather be hungry and have them than be full. Then it's more like a reward.

I got a new phone, a razor. I know-EVERYONE has them. My mom got me a plan so i could talk to her for free at school. The only cool phones I could pick were a razor and krazor. Krazors get all smudgie so I got a silver razr and put rhinestones on it. Such a girlie girl....

I got two colouring boos at the store today. I can't wait to show taylor.

Feels like Home to Me

I'm hooommeee!

It feels like I never left.

My stomach is bubbling around, because I've eaten everything in sight.

For some reason I just don't care. It only gives me a better excuse to myself not to eat at school.

I'm really tempted to take pictures to track any progress. I regret not doing it the last time.

But who wants to take pictures of themselves when they hate how they look?

Enough of the Enter button. I feel like pajamas.

Tell me that you love me more

My roomate asked me to start working out with her. I think she's implying something. She's so much thinner than I am. Everyone here is thin.

I still miss my fuzzies.

I'm watching a ballet. Sleeping beauty I think. I forgot how long it takes for each scene. I just want to scream at the television-YES, I GET IT! The witch has cast a spell and your baby is screwed.

Those teenage hopes
who have tears in their eyes
Too scared to own up to one little lie

Excuse me too busy you're writing a tragedy

My fuzzies have left me. I miss them already :/

I tried to revive them by getting some coffee at the coffee shop on our campus.The coffee was amazing-better than starbucks if you can believe it. However, my fuzzies still wouldn't come back.

I tried listening to 1234 and taking awalk to the library to print my paper. They still didn't come.

I should be doing my homework now. It's going to take me forever.

I need my hair cut. It looks even more stringy as it gets longer. I like knowing that it's still thin, but I really like having longer hair. I don't pull it out as much anymore, but I have been pulling it a little since I got to college. I think it's stress related here.

I need to go proofread a paper now. Wish some fuzzies for me.

Fuzzy

I've had an amazing day today and I can't really tell you why...
because I don't even know why it's amazing!
The whole day I've had this warm,fuzzy feeling inside.I don't know why I have it, but I looovveee it. I was taking the Slough-or long scenic route-back to my dorm and I had my Ipod on playing 1234. It was just the best feeling ever. I just feeling hugging someone for an hour or taking a nap.

At the end of the day...

There is always a reward for running on empty. Literally.

I watched Memoirs of a Geisha today-which is AMAZING! This was the first time I had seen it. The main girl is SO pretty! I remember how I used to want to be a geisha. I believe that was after Mulan. But then I realized I couldn't be because I wasn't Asian. And I watched this documentary about Geishas and it looked boring.

I really want to go to bed. I just love sleeping. I love having dreams and waking up all comfy in my sheets. It's also like an even better alone time. There's no noises or chance to go do something else. I can just think about whatever I want.

Before I retire for the evening I would like to say that the area between my neck and shoulders is KILLING me, figuratively of course. I just want a massage :( A nice stone massage would be nice. With all the aromatherapy oils. uuugghhh that sounds so good..

I'm off to dream

The empirical formula of coffee

Chemistry class ended about an hour ago. Two hours of staring at a slideshow just knocks me out. So I grabbed some coffee for lunch and hopefully it will wake me up for my lab at 1:30. Of course now I have the other side affect of coffee, which if you don't know is having to relieve yourself excessivly.Haha, such a nice way to put it.

I've got an hour now to enjoy myself-oh I love my alone time. That's thebest thing about college. Being alone with everything you need to keep you even the slightest entertained. AND I can go get coffee whenever I want right down stairs. The only thing I could ask for is a vaccum.

My roomate wants to take picures of us in or room and stuff, so be on the lookout for pictures!Most likely on facebook...

Carbs

Ha guess what, I suck
Not eating anything tomorrow, no matter what.
That's all i have to say.

Fall is here

This morning I had decided that I wasn't going to eat anything today, however...

I shuffled my feet down the 3 billion steps coming from the Geoscience building towards the College Center Cafeteria. My body leads me to the entrance of the cafeteria and my eyes instantly attatch themselves to 5 brighly wrapped caramel apples. Before I can even reason with myself about what was already planned for lunch, my hand whips the apple off its perch, and my body once again leads me to the checkout. I turn the apple over a few times in my hand to read that it's 140 calories. I guess that's not too bad. There's always tomorrow.

Update: I had some popcorn that was 120...

Night Wishes

Before I head to class today, I figured would share every thought in my head from last night. I don't know why, but now I don't really want to share it, but last night I REALLY wanted to. So we'll see how this goes.

Last night was the ordinary night.
No parties, staying out late, staying up late.
I got into my bed round 10:30.
But as my head began to sink deeper in to my feather-filled pillow, my thoughts became focused on one thing.
Ok, 2 cups of macaroni and cheese were 280 calories. Then I had a handful of popcorn, which I have no clue for how many calories that has. I had some hot chocolate before bed, but thats 80. So I know I had at least 360 give about 100-200.
Then I thought back to my junior year around christmas time. 105 lbs. At the time I didn't feel that thin.
Sometimes I just feel like that 105 lb girl stuck in this shell of fat arund me.
Then my mind goes to the next day food selection. I decided on nothing.
This morning I woke up feeling like crap. It's just not going fast enough.

Livejournal

So I got a livejournal because my friends foced me too...sort of.
My username thing is gonedancing3889 in case you have one.

OMG COLLEGE!

So I'm in my dorm right now, waiting for the day's activities to start in like 2 hours.

Everything has been going good so far, except the internet reliability. One minute everything is woking fine and then next...

We went on a boat last night-all 700 of us! We danced for awhile and then went up to the deck. By we I mean my roomate or friends from my geology trip. Afterwards I went with some guys from the trip back to their dorm to play guitar hero! But only 25 minutes because we had to be out by 12!

I should really go wake me roomate up...she had a later night than I did!