All these strings are attatching to me but I can't find the scissors

Finally updating this thing.

I always want to write but then I get to this posting page and I feel like I can't write everything I want to say because I don't knowhow to explain it or know I can't describe how amazing it is.

But I will describe today

Technically it starts at Nick Bender's house. Had fun, but nothing to write about. I got home around 2. Laura let me stay a little longer this time. I stayed up till 4 because I just wasn't tired. So I got up at 9, stupid sinuses. I fell back asleep at 11 and slept till 2:30. My mom finally woke me up and I rushed to my dad's house in Aurora.We exchanged presents. I got Gucci perfume. mmmmm. My dad took us to Red Lobster.

Then I went to Caribou.At Caribou I saw Annie through the window and was instantly excited. I thought she left. Then I saw Tina. Equally excited. Then I saw Barbara and was like...ugh. But I withdrawl that "ugh" because she turned out to be pretty cool. Tina gave me marshies! A whole medium cup! Medium? I don' know.

Then we went to Megan's. Lots of talking. Some about Brian. I have more to talk about... We left and I forgot my presents again so I went back.But the more about Brian:

Sooo in Michigan he texted me when he was drunk and was like "grreeeen beeaaann"so I texted him back of course and told him how I need to think of a nickname for him. He replied "Howw about boyfriend?"I told him i liked it, but we'd see how much he'd like it when he was sober. That was pretty much the end of it. After the thing with asian Alex fall term I learned not to take drunks seriously.Anyways it cameup again tonight, when we were all talking. After the whole date thing. He texted me :
"you still have to make up a name for me!"
" I know! I'm not as creative as you"
"I made some suggustions but you didn't take them so well"
"Whatdo you mean I didn't take it well!?"
"I suggusted one a few nights ago but I dont think you lked it so it's all you now"
"I didn't not like it, I just didn't know if you really did"
"Grean bean why would I suggust such a name if I didn't like it"

SO that was basically that.

I've kinda realized that I do this thing where when someone gets close to me-like Brian is...I mentally push them away. Like at school after turkey break we hung out one night and watched a movie and then after that I found myself not trying to make time for him or going out of my way to be with him. So a week went by without much going on. Maybe a text here or there. Then he came to the library one night with all of us and I just missed him. I dont want that to happen again. I think it's just because I've never had a boyfriend before and I'm worried about it just changing my life-like when some people gt boyfriends and they just only spend time with them? I know that wont happen but I guess I'm afraid that will happen and I dont want to loose my friends at school. I just need to prove to myself that it will be fine.