Baligerent Babbling

Alright. So last night was probably the best night I've had at college so far. Not because there was something special but because nothing bad happened.

I didn't drop my cell phone AND camera in a puddle again.
It wasn't pouring rain and causing the streets to turn into mini-rivers.
I wasn't overly drunk to the point of hanging off my poor roomates shoulders.
I didn't loose more that $5, since I didn't have to bribe anyone with it.

But I'll give you some highlights:
I got free cups!!! I mean I guess I've never tried to before, but I did last night! I just started talking with the bartenders because-well I know them decently. I just got so excited because I got 4 cups total. One red and One blue for me. One red and one blue for adam. Stupid frats kept switching colors so we would just finish off a beer and switch to the other color.
I finally told Adam how awful I felt about the end of last year and how awful I feel this year.

He told me that he understood about the whole busy thing but he dosn't know still why I was so bitchy to him during the day.
And then something came up about how I want to smoke pot but I really can't. Then he was like-well why not? And I said truthfully that I think I would go onto worse drugs after that. And he was like ooohhh well we(my friends that smoke) would never let you do something like that. But what I kept saying was that I've got other friends. Other friends that will try anything once regardless. And I know the second I get offered meth is my death sentence. I know I'd do it. Just for the weightloss. And then I'd be addicted in no time. And then I'd die.
Soo somehow that led into my eating and I asked him if I looked any different than I did at the end of last year. He said no. He dosn't notice the outward appearance of people. And it made me so mad.

Mad because I don't look any different to him. A summer of eating only fruit and some veggies. My first 4 weeks of college only eating scraps of things at dinner and not a real meal till the weekend, which I usually throw up 1/3 of. I feel like I look better than I did before. I mean I can see bones again that got swallowed away when I tried to be healthy. It just screws with every aspect of my life.It's not just-I'm fat I need to not eat. It's I'm fat I can't eat...I don't deserve to eat that...I dont deserve the satisfaction of a nice complement...those complements are lies to make you feel better...He dosn't think you're pretty...No one thinks you're pretty.........

And it just goes on. Always. Obviously. It's the only thing I ever seem to write about regularly.

I'll move on now.

Tonight we have a party with these groups on campus. They aren't sororities and frats...just something sort of like them. haha that makes no sence. But me and my roomie(who is AWESOME) are going to pregame in our friends room then go and DANCE DANCE DANCE! There was no dancing last night. Sigh. But tonight! Vee shall DANCE! And Adam is coming too, so that will be fun because besides last night we had yet to really party together. Then maybe we'll start bouncing around to all the different houses. Ahhh I'm just so excited. And I have like noooo homework this weekend!

Which reminds me. I LOVE SWEDISH! I'm having so much fun taking it! I wish you could hear me. It's so silly. MYCKET BRA!