Cry Baby

Well I'm finally updating this thing. I frequently blog on another website that is basically between 4 friends and I. It's a way for us all to update each other after being so spread out after high school. Sadly, it's the first blog I go to and this one takes the brunt of it. BUT now that I'm home and on SL a lot more now-I think it's about time I get this one up to speed.

This summer I am living the bum life pretty much. There are absolutely no jobs around where I live-or none that I would stay sane at. Luckily my dad is letting me take on some projects for his janitorial service. For instance today i washed windows. Wohoooo.

I've heard that college is the best thing you'll ever pay for. I keep trying to tell myself that. So far, we've payed $53,000 for it. I still have two years left. And I'm pretty much run out of my savings. No Asia term for me :/ So student loans will be my next new friend. It's just scary to think about life after college. But maybe I'll keep that worry for senior year.

Speaking of worries. My boyfriend and I just had our 6th month anniversary a couple days ago. We went to a movie-out to lunch/early dinner and I gave him a picture that I drew. It had 182 reasons why I loved him written on the back, hidden within the frame. That was the first time I said "I love you". I didn't hear it back. But I really am ok with it-because I'd rather him just know. I'm one of those people who like to tell people how they feel about them-how much they care for them-when it happens. We don't really know if there might not be another chance? Yes, call me Miss Optimism. Anyways, as I said, I've rationalized everything out-that I don't at all regret it, I'm glad I said it, and it will mean so much more when he says it back to me. However somewhere I'm hurting, because I can't stop crying. It's awful. I've never felt so much hurt and it's all in that cliche heart-chest area. I hit my bed pillow and just bust into tears. Just all out sobs. Curling up into the fetal position and clutching my pillow. For once I can't control it. I can't help but think of him every time I wake up-and right before I drift off to sleep.

It hasn't been all that bad. Now, we talk wayyyy longer on the phone and it seems like he's trying hard to keep it going. He also uses this soft voice more now, which I loveee. I've run into a new conflict though. What do I say to him? I can't say "I love you" because I don't want him to feel pressured to say it back, but I feel like if I say "I like you" it's a huge step back from what I really mean. Any ideas? Greatly apprecitated.

Besides the boy. I've got a few things to look forward to-like seeing Harry Potter opening night at 12am!!! AND I'm dressing up all HP like-AND my friend an I are going to watch a HP marathon right before the big event. I'm so excited.
This coming weekend I'll be heading into Chicago for the Pitchfork Music Festival. I'm going with 3 of my best friends(from high school) and sleeping over at my one friend's house that's nearly in the city. I'm excited to see some new bands. The first week in august I'll be heading up to Michigan to see my dad. Then I'll be back to paradise on Aug. 18th!!!

Oh my. Summer can't go fast enough.