9 Crimes

Damien Rice. 9 Crimes. Download it.

Here's a post from yesterday-
Normally I wait till the vary end of the day to post but I couldn't help it.

Worked from 6-2:30 today. I went to bed around 3 for no reason. It really sucked.

Then after work I went to David's Bridal by Fox Valley Mall. Picked up my dress and god it's awful. It is a nasty A-line.
I could have had this dress in black! It was so pretty. http://www.davidsbridal.com/bridesmaids_detail.jsp?stid=2817&prodgroup=110
But then the other bridesmaid couldn't find it in her size. so now I get this piece of shit.
http://www.davidsbridal.com/bridesmaids_detail.jsp?stid=1674&prodgroup=110
DUMB.

So right now I'm depressed. Well I shouldn't say that. Just sad. Our sattelite is out and I threw in a movie. Well the movie is my grandparent's 40th anniversary tape. It's my mom's mom and dad. My grandma has had alzheimers since I was in middle school. Now she's gotten to the point where she dosn't know any of us. The past two years I havn't gone to see her. I'm too afraid to rememeber my grandma like that. I want to remember sleeping over at her house and her making us waffles and macaroni and cheese. But sometimes I wonder if she would want me to come see her. I wonder if just trying to forget about her is the worst thing I can do. Just seeing all these pictures of her so happy makes me so sad because I know if she could see herself now she would be so unhappy. She was always so afraid to get alzheimers. One time my granny(dad's mom) brought up how my grandma was such a wonderful person and it's such a shame it had to happen to her. And it's true. I don't know why any god would let that happen to someone. To forget all your memories. To forget your family. To forget yourself. It has to be the worse way to die. Sometimes I wish that she would just die. Because I knew it's better than the state she is right now and better than she'll ever be again. I just miss my grandma. It makes me sad that she;s was my mom's best friend. Who she used to call everyday and now she's not there anymore. Ok. I need to stop bawling my eyes out.

End yesterdays entry

I'm working like crazy
I hate how heavy again.
I'm hardly eating anything. I hate how I always think this is a quick fix. At least I havn't been binging at all.
I'm so excited to be off work for 2 days.
I can't wait to go on sl.
I have to pee really badly right now!
I'm going to!