Out of my Head

I talked to my friend Nate today who is Adam's roomate, about the whole thing going on between me and him.

Last night Adam and I watched The Fall in his room(which it's a crazy amazing movie by the way-english version of Amelie). Anyways it was soooo cute and I had fun because we just cuddled the whole time. Even when Nate came in Adam just kept wrapping his arms around me. It made it feel real.

And then once again after I left, I was thinking.


So since I havn't told anyone else what's going on-I decided to talk to Nate about it. I told him how I just feel like this light switch flipped on-for both of us and all the sudden it's an entirely different way of looking at each other. I told him how it was weird to have been the girl he always told about who he liked or who he thought was cute...and then actually be that girl? How I know that Adam dosn't want a relationship but at the same time I don't want to be sitting with him and he thinking about Ashley. Because I have never believed him when he's said that.
Nate understood everything I was thinking and basically just told me that I need to think of it this way...this can turn out as something really good or really bad if we continue what we're doing. We're never going to have the relationship we had before. It's even harder for me since I don't have anything to compare it to.

I think I'm just scared of screwing it all up. And I keep thinking that he's just going to use me for sex like all the other guys on this campus-but I know he would NEVER do that. Seriously. And no I havn't had sex with anyone-I'm just saying it seems like it's the only thing guys are after here. Oh and now that I think about it I don't want that whole friends with benefits thing to happen either.

But I guess I just have to think how I feel right now-and that's happy.