Be Kind. Rewind.

I want to go back. I want to go back. I want to go anywhere but here. Gone.

I want to see my therapist. I want to tell her everything and I know I can't because everything would take more than an hour.

Today My Aunt(dad's sister), uncle, and cousin came over to our house(mom's) for dinner. It's weird-seperated family getting back together. Reminds me of my graduation party. I loved that party. I loved it when people came back and saw the lives they were missing. Ha.

Anyways they came over-I got chrismtas presents. BURBERRY BRIT perfume-oohhh it smells so good. Adam has the boy kind...but I wanted it way before anything was going on because I just loved the smell of his so much. I got some bath and body works stuff, blah blah. Then dinner.

During dinner somehow Someone brought up the fact that I was going to be a vegan-pretty sure it was Adam. And everyone went crazy. How are you going to get your vitamins?! How are you going to get calcium?! I didn't want to explain it. I've gotten so sick of explaining it. I just want to be left alone. I'm not even doing it right now-I'm starting when school gets back. But they kept pressing-even my uncle who is awesome was like-I wanna hear this. Suddenly I just wanted to blow. To say FUCK OFF ALL OF YOU. It pisses me off when they say I'm not eating right. WHO THE FUCK EATS 'RIGHT'? No one. No one. And No One has any authority to scrutinize my eating habits.

Then that led into Laura freaking out because I don't tell her anything. She found out through my aunt that Adam will be my potential boyfriend. That's another they didn't get. Potential boyfriend.
Why not just say he's your boyfriend?
Because it's college mom. It's not the same.
I just don't understand why.
IT'S DIFFERENT. IT'S NOT THE REAL WORLD.

They don't get that everything they did isn't the same now. We're not girlfriend/boyfriend because we didn't want to hurry whatever this is along. We don't want to fuck it up. Calling ourselves boyfriend-girlfriend...brings us past that point of ever just being the way things were...well i guess we broke that that one night I told you about.Ha.

Anyways. I don't like being here. Monitored. Questioned. I hate talking to my mom. Something I never thought would happen. She's different. I know she's depressed or sad. She's got to be with Dave. Sometimes I kind of feel bad for her. Then realize she brought this on herself. Maybe if she didn't move Dave in when my dad was moving out. Maybe if I didn't see her making out with Dave before the divorce was final. Maybe if I didn't find pictures of the two of them sneaking around towns smooching while my parents were still together. Maybe then I would feel sorry. Sorry that she jumped off the tracks and i'm not home to push her back on.

Someone. Just take me back to school. Get me out of this house for the day. For the week. Time is just so slow right now.